Tuesday, July 6, 2010

An exposé of sorts -- Part one

I'm going to give you a BUNCH of random things that will SURPRISE, SHOCK and SURROUND YOU WITH UNCERTAINTY. You ready?

EXCEPT: It will be in SERIES form! More little things will come forth as time goes on! Yeah!

LET'S GO.

1. I've never actually read Breaking Dawn.

Story behind it: I was excited for Breaking Dawn. Really, I was. I counted down the days, went on Stephenie Meyer's website religiously for the weeks leading up to August 2nd, and all around was an annoying girl. But the day it came out, my dad and I weren't planning on going to town until that evening, because my cousin was staying with us that night, and we were just going to go out for supper during that time, too. So, I was like, "cool, I'll wait".

Except instead of just waiting around rereading the books or whatever (what I did for Eclipse), I actually went on the internet. BIG MISTAKE. Indigo.ca gave me my first spoiler. A child? And so came a search to find out the truth. I found out what happened in Breaking Dawn, and I was utterly surprised. And I didn't like it. So, when my dad said we could finally go to Chapters, I said "no thank you". We went to Wal Mart instead, due to just buying random things. EXCEPT, due to the general location of Wal Mart and Chapters, my dad asked me again: "Do you want to buy the book?" And I shook my head. The thing is, when I was in Wal Mart, I checked to see if they had a copy of Breaking Dawn there. And they didn't. To be honest, if I saw it, I would've bought it. So, let's just say fate had a hand in where I am today.

But! Of course I couldn't just LEAVE my Twilight obsession behind: I still had to FEED it. So, I lurked on the Amazon boards, reading. (I did this for days after the book came out.) So in reality, my hate for the series isn't my own, but others. So in another universe, if my mom was home, I would've been able to read that book right away. And I probably would still be a twi-hard at this time.

Scary, isn't it?

Yes.

(And the days following, I asked one of my fellow Twilight fans: "Did you like it?" She of course, had the common sense to say it wasn't what she was expecting, etc. etc. And she asked my opinion. "I never read it." "WHAT? How do you know so much about it?!" "THE LURKING!" Well, except I never said THE LURKING, because I wasn't that cool. Yes. But true.)

But! While I never actually READ Breaking Dawn, I HAVE picked it up, looked through it, etc. etc. And once, when I was on my library website, I was all, "maybe I'll give it a try..." because I saw they had a copy available. And I put it on hold.

But I had to cancel it right away... because I felt disgusted.

This is true. I felt this feeling inside me that could only be described as DISGUST.

Now, here is the question: If you never read Breaking Dawn, how could you hate the rest of the books?

Answer: I tried to forget Breaking Dawn, really. I tried to think of Bella and Edward before their babymakin' days, and I couldn't forget it. So, when I thought of them in the meadow for the first time, all I could think of following that was: BABY. Plus I realized how stupid Bella, Edward and the rest of the people were, and I just ... had a click of the head: Stephenie Meyer wasn't the shiz.

(Plus her comment about the "rob effect" had me wanting to smash her face into the floor. Violent Julia appears to those who like Twilight at this point in time! She hates those who remind her of who she used to be! INTENSE.)

Yeah.

So it was a thing that just cultivated to taking down all my Twilight themed posters in my room, and continuing to rant about the books. And the fans. And the author.

Oooh.

Plus I should mention that when the special edition of Eclipse came out, I went out and bought it. I mean, chapter one of Breaking Dawn?! Some random thing (tattoos?)!? The cover of Breaking Dawn in poster form?! And so yes. I read the first chapter, and I just didn't FEEL happy about it. Plus I just wasn't happy with the Breaking Dawn cover. I just wasn't happy with it. So my feelings begin.

Also: I should mention Eclipse wasn't the best book, either. It was funny, sure, but it wasn't THE BEST. So I just think it was a downhill thing from there. Etc.

In summary: I tried to imagine it as a trilogy, but Meyer ruined it. All I could think about was what happened next, and it didn't work. So, I just stopped liking the entire thing in general. I didn't even see Twilight in theatres until months after it came out: My sister finally dragged me to it. And New Moon, I saw it on DVD. As for Eclipse, I might see it in theatres, but really, that would only be for the Harry Potter trailer.

And that my friend, is not a lie.

- Possum

1 comment:

  1. WOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

    I AM SHOCKED.

    You really NEVER READ Breaking Dawn? How could I have MISSED THIS in all of our conversations? I remember you saying that you didn't read it as soon as it came out, but I guess I just ASSUMED that you read it later!

    I think it's better that you DO NOT read it though.

    As it sucks.

    Edward DESTROYS PILLOWS and HEADBOARD while severely BRUISING Bella while having sex and getting her pregnant with a weird hybrid vampire human THING.

    Bella drinks blood (as a human...EWWW) because the baby wants it.

    Baby EATS WAY out of mother's stomach.

    Baby is cruely named Reneesme, which I think is a good step in getting back at baby for chewing up mother's stomach.

    Bella must go all vampire because she'll DIE if she doesn't. Carlisle gives her MORPHINE in hopes of making transition painless but really it just PARALYZES her for the duration of the transition and she can FEEL everything. I didn't know that morphine could causes paralysis. Oh, that Meyer! Teaching teenaged girls new things ALL THE TIME!

    Jacob falls in love with BABY (EWWWWW!!! Talk about robbing the cradle. Sheesh).

    (Details getting fuzzy...only read this book once. Timeline could be screwed up, starting now.)

    Bella goes out hunting. Catches scent of human but DOES NOT ATTACK. Wants to, but doesn't. Cullens amazed and confunded.

    Those vegetarian vamps from Alaska come down or something like that. One of them sees the toddler-looking hybrid THING and reports it to the Volturri (however you spell that) for some reason...she's mad or something. I can't remember.

    Good vampire (sort of) army thing ASSEMBLED, and they train.

    Bella learns that her super power is that she can protect the minds of other's with her weirdo shield thing.

    Volturri show up, and she DOES THAT.

    Alice shows up with OTHER weird hydrid THING from Amazon to show the Volturri that they exist and don't eat people and stuff.

    After thinking there will be a BIG BATTLE,there is NONE. We are, however, left with the COMFORTING thought that the Volturri will pick off the good army one by one until there are none left (SERIOUSLY. I'm pretty sure it actually SAYS that).

    Ends with Bella and Edward planning on having LOTS of sex. And to maybe raise a child or something like that.

    There. I've summarized it for you! No need for you to put yourself through ACTUALLY reading it.

    I can't wait for part two! SERIOUSLY! Get on it! haha

    ReplyDelete